


19. Sinful

by parka_girl



Category: Block B, Infinite (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-13
Updated: 2014-03-13
Packaged: 2018-01-15 15:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1309651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parka_girl/pseuds/parka_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything Myungsu knows is wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	19. Sinful

Myungsu thought that the world was black and white; everything was either right or wrong, there was no in between. No shades of gray anywhere. But now, now he realizes that everything he knows is wrong. Everything. He just didn't realize it until he met Yukwon. 

Yukwon with his impossible smile, his floppy, bleach blonde hair, his beautiful eyes. 

Myungsu meets Yukwon in class. They're both taking statistics for degrees neither of them will use. Myungsu will go into photography and Yukwon into dance, of some kind. But statistics is required for inexplicable reasons and so they meet, because they sit in the back, only half understanding. Or, rather, they each understand half and when they come together, things make sense. 

Or, to Myungsu, everything makes sense. For the first time. The _first_ time. 

Yukwon is beautiful. He is passionate about dancing. He can't sit still. They study, mostly at Yukwon's flat because Myungsu still lives at home. Yukwon dances around the apartment, all loose-limbed and delicious. If only Myungsu understood what he was feeling. Myungsu takes photographs and videos. He posts them to instagram and twitter, their friends love it. His friends are now Yukwon's and Yukwon's are now his. 

The class ends, but their friendship doesn't. They study together, still, but different subjects. Yukwon makes Myungsu watch his dance practices and Myungsu tries out different cameras. He catches Yukwon concentrating on his studies, or dancing. Catches him when he's making dinner, out with friends, sometimes even asleep. 

A couple of photography students from America join the program one semester. They're in some sort of exchange program. One of the girls in Myungsu's photography class, along with someone Myungsu didn't know, had gone over to the States. He's studying some photographs of Yukwon, along with some of their friends, trying to decide which to turn in for an assignment, when one of the Americans interrupts. His Korean is messy, but Myungsu's English isn't much better. It doesn't matter. 

"That's good." The American says. 

Myungsu grins, he's seen the American's photographs and they're brilliant. 

"Who is he?" The American asks, but goes on before Myungsu has a chance to answer. "Your boyfriend?" 

Myungsu's grin fades as soon as it's begun. He stares at the American. "No." He finally says. "Best friend." 

The American looks ashamed and slightly confused. "I'm sorry, I thought ... these photos ..." He gestures toward other photos of Yukwon, mixed in with some of their friends, spread out on the table. "They look so intimate. I just thought ..." He stops and looks over at Myungsu. 

"Best friend." He insists, but it sounds weak to his own ears. 

The American doesn't seem to notice. Instead he offers up another apology and then disappears. Myungsu gathers up all the photos of Yukwon and shoves them in his bag. He picks up another, of one of their mutual friends. A girl. It's not as good, but he turns it in instead. 

That night he goes home instead of to Yukwon's. The next night, too. He doesn't answer his phone when Yukwon texts and ignores his calls. He searches for the definition of intimate, the English word he didn't really understand. He pulls out the photos and stares at them. The American, he realizes with a sinking feeling, was right. 

He ignores Yukwon for a week before Yukwon seeks him out. 

"You're ignoring me." Yukwon's voice. 

Myungsu turns. He's just left his art history course. He wants to run away, but he can't. He doesn't know what to say. It doesn't matter, Yukwon doesn't seem to need an answer. 

"I don't know why, but I wish you'd stop." Yukwon looks hurt, upset. It makes Myungsu feel bad. 

"I'm sorry." He mumbles, because he is. Because he misses Yukwon. Because there's an ache in his heart and he finally understands what the American meant. Sure, he saw the photos he took, through someone else's eyes. But there's an ache in his heart. And now everything he knows is wrong because right is liking girls and not being in love with your best friend and somehow, without even realizing it, he's all wrong. 

Yukwon grabs his arm, tugging him along the hall and out into the hot summer sun. Myungsu pulls away, but Yukwon doesn't let go. There's a part of Myungsu that's glad. But it's smaller compared to the part that's scared. Scared and afraid. Yukwon is wrong. No, liking Yukwon is wrong. All wrong. And yet. 

Myungsu stops walking when Yukwon does. They're off campus now, on the street. Away from school. Yukwon had stopped pulling Myungsu a while ago and he kept following. He couldn't help it. Yukwon leans against a fence. On the other side is a house, belonging to someone rich, maybe. Or someone who wants privacy. 

"Why?" Yukwon asks. 

Myungsu doesn't know how to answer. He stares at his hands, at the ground, everywhere except Yukwon. 

"It sucks." Yukwon says, a little softer. 

"Tell me about it." Myungsu replies before he can stop himself. He glances at Yukwon, who stares at him hard. Fuck, Myungsu thinks. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

"Then why?" A little irritation creeps into Yukwon's voice. 

"Because ... because I can't. I can't be like this." Myungsu says, there's no going back. He is afraid, he's going to push his best friend away. He's going to say it even though it's wrong. Even though it's a sin. Because everything he knows is wrong because Yukwon is right. He's so right it hurts. 

"Be like what?" Concern in Yukwon's voice now. 

When Myungsu starts talking, it comes out. He can't help himself. "Be. Be someone like ... Last week someone asked me ... they ... " He takes out his photos of Yukwon, they haven't left the folder in his bag. He thrusts them at Yukwon. "They say the photos. They asked ... they said they were too intimate. Or. No. He said ..." Myungsu stares right at Yukwon. Now or never, all or nothing. "He asked if you were my boyfriend." 

Yukwon's looking through the photos, not at Myungsu. He's staring at them. But at the word boyfriend, he looks up. 

"I said you weren't. You were my best friend." He stops, Yukwon is glancing from Myungsu to the photos and back again. "But. But now I." He can't do this. He's scared. "But now I don't know what to think."

"I'm not your boyfriend." Yukwon's voice is smooth, soft, but the words are harsh. Myungsu looks away. He watches as the photographs fall from Yukwon's hands, spreading across the ground. 

Myungsu starts to bend down, to pick them up, but Yukwon's suddenly right there. Pulling at his shoulder, tugging him up. They're staring at each other. Myungsu's gaze drifts toward Yukwon's mouth, he jerks it back up again. There's something in Yukwon's gaze, something Myungsu thinks is echoed in his own, uncertainty, but not confusion. 

_Oh_ , Myungsu thinks, just as Yukwon leans in. Myungsu meets him halfway, or almost halfway. Or close. _We're not boyfriends_ , Myngsu thinks, _we're not_. But Yukwon is kissing him and he's kissing Yukwon back and now everything's shades of gray.


End file.
